Tag Archives: fear

fearful

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I remember pretty vividly the day we brought our first born home. It’s not every day that you walk into an office building with an empty baby carrier and walk out with a baby. But here we were, at Bethany Christian Services, signing adoption paper work in order to become a mom and a dad for the first time. We walked in and we were ushered into a small meeting room and we signed so much paper work that it seemed like we were finalizing a mortgage. Then our case worker said those words that are forever written on my heart, “would you like to see your son”. We then walked into the room next door and met Jonas for the first time. We were in awe of how tiny he was and we even had to have help loading him into the baby carrier for the first time. I even remembered how slow I drove back to Donelson that day…and it had nothing to do with the traffic. And the one thought that kept repeating through my mind was, “man, I hope I don’t mess this up.”

It’s something that anyone that is a parent has said at one point or another. All of a sudden we find ourselves responsible for another human being and it is absolutely terrifying. It’s funny, but I think there is a verse in the Psalms that expresses this well, but is rarely used for this insight. “For you created my inmost being; you knit me together in my mother’s womb. I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; your works are wonderful, I know that full well.” – Psalm‬ ‭139:13-14‬ We often pause to reflect on the wonderful part, but rarely give said due to the fearful part. The word in Hebrew is yare’ and is most often translated as ‘actual fear’. The psalmist praises God because he is made wonderfully and this is easy to see. We are incredibly complex beings. But the psalmist also praises God because he is made fearfully. What does it mean for God to make us fearfully…?

I think it might be a bit like that feeling all parents get when we realize we are responsible for another human life. There is a fear, a reverence, a holy trepidation that the actions we take and the way we care for another influences who they become. As parents of teens and children, this can sometimes become overwhelming as we seek to trust God as he guides us into this responsibility. And the crazy thing about all of this…God made us all this way. Even more astounding is the fact that as the church we have been given the charge to engage all of creation with this same reverence and responsibility. We are God’s plan for redemption of all creation. And sometimes I look at the church and the world and think to myself, “Man, I hope we don’t mess this up.” And yet, the beauty in all of this is that God created us all this way. With freewill that often leads to things that could be considered scary and terrifying, or beautiful and lovely. So today, let us praise God. For you and I and all creation have been fearfully and wonderfully made and we have a mission before us. May all those we come into contact with realize that they too are fearfully and wonderfully made by a loving God who trusts all of us with each other.

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run its course

runitscourse

I have a trait that my wife absolutely hates (man that’s a harsh way to start off a blog post). But it’s true. Although she loves me completely, she hates that I am an anti-panicker. What I mean by this, is that in situations in which she thinks I should be reacting quickly and highly stressed, I actually am taking my time and trying to think through every possible outcome and scenario…thus, an anti-panicker. Case in point: yesterday our 5-yr-old was on his 5th day of the flu and didn’t seem to be making any improvements whatsoever and we were getting worried. Also, thanks to the compiling voices and paranoia from social media we were getting even more worried, so we decided it might be good to take him back to the doctor/ER. As soon as my wife decided, that meant it was time to go and since she was sick herself, I needed to take him. But here I am thinking about all the other scenarios. What about the other kids? What about me being at school? Should I just wait a bit? You know…not panicking. Eventually she prevailed though and I ran him to the ER to find out that it was still just a terrible flu and that it needed to run its course (which is still never fun for a parent to hear, but I suppose is better than pneumonia).

Now when it comes to the state of the world around us, I guess I am a bit of an anti-panicker as well. Which drives others around me nuts. I have friends who are incensed about the political state of things. I have friends in the church constantly terrified about where things are going. I know people who think we have to have some sort of drastic resolution yesterday to heal the state of our planet. But I have a slightly different approach. At the conclusion of the Montgomery Bus Strikes, Dr. Martin Luther King Jr. quoted 19th-century abolitionist and Unitarian minister Theodore Parker when he said, “The arc of the moral universe is long, but it bends towards justice.” I like to remind myself of this quote when it seems like everyone around me is falling into borderline hysteria. The arc, the whole, the entirety, the full story bends towards justice. Maybe after all, there is no need for panicking, but for allowing the moral universe to run its course.

Now I’d like to clarify something. Does anti-panicking mean we do nothing? By no means. I like to remember a quote from John Wesley on the matter of engaging the ills of the world, church, society, culture, etc. when it comes to this. “Do all the good you can, By all the means you can, In all the ways you can, In all the places you can, At all the times you can, To all the people you can, As long as ever you can.” In the gospel of Luke, Jesus said it in this way, “Instead, love your enemies, do good, and lend expecting nothing in return. If you do, you will have a great reward. You will be acting the way children of the Most High act, for he is kind to ungrateful and wicked people. Be compassionate just as your Father is compassionate.” – Luke‬ ‭6:27-28, 35-36 I don’t think panic and hysteria and unhinged anger ever accomplish what we wish they would. But I do think goodness changes everything. And I’m reminded once again that the arc of the moral universe may be long, but it bends towards justice and as we do good we can safely let it run its course.


our go-to

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Do you ever get nervous about what is to come? Do you ever find yourself fearful of the next moment? Do you watch the news at all? It’s crazy to think that our culture has become dependent on fear and worry. It’s almost as if we as people of faith have to struggle more than ever not to give into “the rulers, the authorities, and the powers of this dark world”. The crazy thing is that this isn’t a new struggle. We as humans have been quick to cling to fear or dread or worry…even in the good times. I’m reminded of the story in scripture recorded in the book of Nehemiah. The people of Israel had come home from exile, had begun to rebuild, and had even rediscovered the law. They gathered as one to hear the law read and explained to them and their response is recorded here, “Then Nehemiah the governor, Ezra the priest and teacher of the Law, and the Levites who were instructing the people said to them all, ‘This day is holy to the Lord your God. Do not mourn or weep.’ For all the people had been weeping as they listened to the words of the Law.” – Nehemiah 8:9 What should have been this beautiful moment of reclaimed identity became a moment of weeping. Why? Because we’re not very good at joy.

In her book Daring Greatly, author Brene Brown addresses this a bit when she speaks to fear, dread and joy. “We can’t prepare for tragedy and loss.  When we turn every opportunity to feel joy into a test drive for despair, we actually diminish our resilience.  Yes, softening into joy is uncomfortable.  Yes, it’s scary.  Yes, it’s vulnerable. But every time we allow ourselves to lean into joy and give in to those moments, we build resilience and we cultivate hope.  The joy becomes part of who we are, and when bad things happen–and they do happen–we are stronger.”* The people of Israel wept in the face of the law because they worried once again that the other shoe was about to fall. They had experienced loss and exile and in this moment of what should have been pure, unadulterated joy, they wept…they were still fearful. As Brown puts it, joy is scary because it’s vulnerable. It opens us up to the possibility that we could be hurt or let down. But if we never fully experience joy we actually become more hollow, more shallow, more fearful and even weaker in the face of tragedy.

The great thing about that passage in Nehemiah is that it doesn’t stop at verse nine. “Nehemiah said, ‘Go and enjoy choice food and sweet drinks, and send some to those who have nothing prepared. This day is holy to our Lord. Do not grieve, for the joy of the Lord is your strength’.” – Nehemiah 8:10 Did you see that? The joy of the Lord is our strength. Being able to be grateful and joyous in the good things that God gives us actually becomes that which makes us stronger. I often hear Christians quote or paraphrase German philosopher Nietzsche when it comes to tragedy and pain; “That which does not kill us, makes us stronger.” (Sometimes they just sing Kelly Clarkson) But this isn’t entirely true. Our go-to after facing tragedy and hurt and pain, can be worry or dread over whatever is coming next…and this is not strength. True strength can be found in the gratitude and joy for those surreal life moments when we experience God in a new way and truly come to realize that the joy of God becomes our strength.

 

* Brown, Brené. Daring Greatly: How the Courage to Be Vulnerable Transforms the Way We Live, Love, Parent, and Lead. New York, NY: Gotham Books, 2012. Print.

in control

Last night just before bedtime, a boomer of a West Texas thunderstorm began to roll in. This immediately means a few things…number one, Odessa will get some much needed rain (this is always the case regardless of how much we get). Number two; that I myself will have a potentially wonderful night of sleep as I love sleeping with rain in the background. And lastly, that no one else in my household will sleep well, so number two is immediately negated. And last night was no exception to that rule as I type this through bleary sleep-depraved eyes. But it got me thinking about control…or lack thereof. My kids are prime examples of the fear of lack of control. My ten-yr-old most recently has even begun to express his increasing fear of tornadoes, tsunamis, earthquakes and any other kind of natural phenomena beyond his control. But control really is an illusion…isn’t it?

I guess it goes all the way back to the garden…I mean waaaay back. We couldn’t handle not being in control of our circumstances; our fate. And so we ate. “When the woman saw that the fruit of the tree was good for food and pleasing to the eye, and also desirable for gaining wisdom, she took some and ate it. She also gave some to her husband, who was with her, and he ate it” – Genesis 3:6. And ever since we have operated under the illusion of control that sin allows us to think makes sense. If I just get this piece of my life figured out. If I just work hard enough these things will all fall into place. If I just have enough money, power, popularity, beauty, security, etc. then all will be well…except it won’t. In fact, the invitation made to us in the wake of a world broken by the illusion of control sounds more like this, “Very truly I tell you, unless a kernel of wheat falls to the ground and dies, it remains only a single seed. But if it dies, it produces many seeds. Anyone who loves their life will lose it, while anyone who hates their life in this world will keep it for eternal life.” – John 12:24-25

Tomorrow is Good Friday and combined with Easter it represents the two most important days for the life of a Christian…why? Because it reminds us that we are not in control. Christ himself, in order to redeem us, showed us that life is best lived when we yield up control and just live for God. The apostle Paul described it this way, “When he found himself in the form of a human, he humbled himself by becoming obedient to the point of death, even death on a cross.” – Philippians 2:7-8. Christ gave up control of His life even to the point of death at our hands (talk about yielding control) so that we might know there is no power in control. In fact, true victory and power comes from giving up control or even realizing that we never even really had control. Perhaps this is the truth of Good Friday. That as we are called to give up the illusion of control we realize that we have a Savior who has already showed us the way. So may you give up the desire for control and the fear that accompanies it and live in the promise of Good Friday and the Hope of Easter.


where does it all lead?

So…I’m a nerd. I know for many of you that doesn’t come as much of a surprise. But I enjoy all things comic book, superhero, sci-fi, fantasy, etc. It shouldn’t surprise you either that when the new Star Wars film came out late this last year that my son and I were in line on opening night in costume. That kind of reveals to you the depth of the nerdiness and its influence upon our household. Recently I was actually reminded of one of my favorite quotes from this movie franchise that actually comes from my least favorite of the movies. In Episode 1, Yoda (the Jedi guru type) is speaking to young Anakin Skywalker and he says, “Fear is the path to the dark side. Fear leads to anger. Anger leads to hate. Hate leads to suffering.”

The reason this line has come to mind is my general concern for the health and well-being of the church. Unless you’ve been living under a rock, you’ve probably come to realize that a lot of the political rhetoric that has been occurring in the United States lately has been coming from a place of fear and anger. And sadly enough that same rhetoric has taken root in the church as well. My brothers and sisters, anger and fear have no place in the body of Christ. In his epistle the apostle James, the brother of Christ, had this to say, “My dear brothers and sisters, take note of this: Everyone should be quick to listen, slow to speak and slow to become angry,  because human anger does not produce the righteousness that God desires.” James 1:19-20 Likewise in the 1 Epistle of John we find this,  “This is how love is made complete among us so that we will have confidence on the day of judgment: In this world we are like Jesus. There is no fear in love. But perfect love drives out fear, because fear has to do with punishment. The one who fears is not made perfect in love.” – 1 John 4:17-18 ‘Anger does not produce the righteousness that God desires’. ‘There is no fear in love. But perfect love drives out fear”.

The reason this concerns me so much is that it is killing our witness and our voice for true Kingdom transformation. Please hear me, when we the church operate out of a sense of anger or fear, we no longer represent the Christ we confess. Much like the aforementioned quote from Star Wars, we ultimately compromise who we are intended to be and end up walking in darkness instead of light. So my question to us today; in the midst of all of this political chaos and confusion, are your actions/posts/statements/conversations/etc. originating from a place of love and grace? Or do you find yourself responding out of fear and anger? I myself cannot go there. It is too easy to hold grudges, to distance the other, to be angry or to be afraid. Instead we are called to take up our cross; the ultimate symbol of grace, love and forgiveness. I’ll leave you with this quote from Dr. Martin Luther King Jr. which is just as true today as it was 50 years ago. “Darkness cannot drive out darkness; only light can do that. Hate cannot drive out hate; only love can do that.”


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