Tag Archives: beauty

tested

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Yesterday was a pretty stressful day for me. As those of you who have been following my journey know, this year I became a middle school science teacher. And one of the responsibilities of teachers is to occasionally measure to see how well the information we are passing along to our students is being recorded in their brains. In other words, we give a test. And it was so stressful! It was almost like one of those, “this is going to hurt me more than it hurts you” moments. Here I am asking them to give back to me all I’ve poured into them for the last nine weeks and I soooo want everyone to pass with flying colors…but not everyone was ready. Sure, some of them did great. Some of them even performed right in the middle where you would expect them to be. But some of them failed. And my heart broke for them. I immediately began to try to find ways to help them recover their grade (and don’t worry, a fellow teacher helped me come up with a fair and equitable solution). But I felt like the test was for me almost as much as it was for them.

I mean, think about it for a minute. For nine weeks we have worked on projects, had teaching moments, lectures, home assignments and group discussions. To even top it all off, there was a review they have had access too for about 4 days. I gave them all of these resources to succeed and some of them still struggled during the test. The funny thing is, I never really struggled with tests when I was a student; yes, I was one of those kids. But it doesn’t mean I don’t empathize with them now. It doesn’t mean I don’t want to help them any way I can now. I’m reminded of the passage of scripture in the letter to the Hebrews about how God sees us during times of testing. “For we do not have a high priest who is unable to empathize with our weaknesses, but we have one who has been tempted in every way, just as we are—yet he did not sin. Let us then approach God’s throne of grace with confidence, so that we may receive mercy and find grace to help us in our time of need.” – Hebrews 4:15-16 Did you see it there? Jesus has dealt with every test/temptation that will come our way, was faultless, but empathizes with our situation to the point of pouring out grace to help.

You see there are so many ways that God continually pours grace into our lives. We see it in the sunrise each day. We feel in in the breath that we breathe. We read it in the pages of the Bible. We hear it from the saints that go before us. We’re reminded of it as we gather to sing songs about God. The moments of beauty and love in this world are being poured into us moment by moment so that when we face difficult times and hardship and temptation, we know where our strength lies. And even if we do fail or we don’t measure up or we forget about all that has been poured into us, we still have a high priest who empathizes/feels for us and is ready to lavish grace on us yet again to help bring us through. So maybe you’re the student who always feels like the tests come when you aren’t ready. There’s grace for you. Maybe you’re the student who knows the material, but just can’t seem to recall it. There’s grace for you. Maybe you’re the student who gets so worked up by the test in front of you that the truths you know that you know seem too far away to be real. There’s grace for you.

I pray that you would find yourself being poured into moment by moment and day by day, by the God who knows you and wants to see you succeed as you are clothed by grace for the times that test.

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the blank page

There is nothing worse for a writer and yet there is nothing better for a writer than the blank page (not that I necessarily consider myself a writer…I just like to write sometimes). In that blank page is the infinite void and also the limitless potential. In that page universes spin out of control, fates are decided and yet in that page there is frustration and writer’s block. What possesses someone to come to that page and think, “yeah, I can do this”? Often times I stare at the screen in front of me or the blank page before me and just sit in despair. Who am I? Why would anyone listen to anything I have to say? What could I possibly put down that would make the world around me better for having read it? It almost seems to border on arrogance. But then I realize that I really am not the creator…I am simply the steward.

You see once upon a time creation happened. I don’t really care particularly how you think it happened (that is a different discussion for a different day), just as long as you agree that once upon a time something came from nothing; ex nihilo if you will. And out of this nothing, this blank page, life spun into existence. Some accounts speak of a Creator speaking into life all of existence and from that we eventually end up where we are today. Every atom, cell, cluster, fiber, muscle, breath, thought, expression, emotion, etc. eventually came from that nothing to something moment. And consequently every thought, expression, written word, played arrangement, and sung melody is really an act of co-creation, participation in that which was brought into existence at that creative moment. The poems, songs, prose, art, designs, structures, dances, plans and every  other creative achievement are ultimately an expression of stewardship in the gifts offered up in that original creative act. Although a rather negative expression of this partnership, the teacher in Ecclesiastes puts it this way, “What has been will be again,what has been done will be done again;there is nothing new under the sun.Is there anything of which one can say,“Look! This is something new”? It was here already, long ago; it was here before our time.” Ecclesiastes 1:9-10

But I don’t like to think of it in negative terms or as a means for despair. In fact, co-creating may be one of the most Holy things we get to participate in. Think about it. We are expressing in us the in-born imago dei (image of God) that seeks to create beauty where there is none. It seeks to create order out of chaos. It seeks to speak light into darkness and bring life where death previously reigned. Maybe this makes the blank page even more of a necessity to our lives. I share an office with another creative type at our church and above his desk he has a print of an amazing quote that goes a bit like this, “Look at the blank pages before you with courage. Now fill them with beauty.” – Blaine Hogan

Maybe that is where I find myself. In need of courage to participate in the creative act that happened so long ago. And maybe each of us find ourselves on the precipice of our own blank page as well. May we find our song, poem, dance, design, plan or whatever gift we seek to express and be the best steward we can be as we dance with the Divine.


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