ego

Confession time; my arrogance has overtaken me. For the past few weeks in my blog I have felt a little lack-luster. And not even necessarily because of what I have written, but more because of what I have not written and wanted to write. You see, I have always wanted my blog to live a little on the edge. To be relevant, yet maybe have a little punch to it. And so I thought about writing some commentary about the political arena with a different take on scripture; but it never sounded right. Or maybe seek out some divisive issue in the church and try to nail it to the wall, but that just turned out to be misguided. And then I realized why. It was because of my motivation. My gracious wife even pointed out to me that ‘you might get more hits, but is that what you really want?’ And in all honesty at the moment I was completely in the affirmative. I love it when people read my blog. It makes me feel all loved and smart and stuff (and if that last thought doesn’t make me sound educated, I don’t know what will). Seeing those blog hits tally up is like a little injection added to the skip in my step every time I post to arpology. But is this why I really write? If it is then I have issues…

And I do (have issues that is). My ego is one of them that I always struggle with. But truthfully who among us doesn’t struggle in the same fashion? Who among us doesn’t want to be the best at what they are doing when they are doing it? We have all heard the old proverb, which is actually a Proverb, “Pride goes before destruction, a haughty spirit before a fall.” – Proverbs 16:18. And I can’t help but be seized by the truth of it all as I write. Pride is that which brings on a multitude of shortcomings and slips and falls and sin in our attempts at self-perceived greatness. I think my writing even suffers more when I am concerned about the quantity of my reader versus the quality of their reading. I love the fact that there are people on the other side of the information superhighway reading these words I am penning, but I think I need to be concerned with their engagement with The Word more and less with their engagement with my words.

And so I will continue to write. But only in ways that truly point to the One who I want to represent. I will continue to study. But only to find new ways to engage the culture around me in order to transform it for the Kingdom. And I will find new stories, quips and insights from my daily life lived with my family, friends and my church that will lead me to greater ways of truth-telling for the sake of this blog. And although arpology will continue to be a lesson in pride management for me, I will always have this post to come back to and read to remind myself…It’s not about me.

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One response to “ego

  • debidebidebijo

    A seeking heart…beautiful thing! Our James 1:22-2:4 study yesterday spoke on the same line…Beth Moore talked about social media and was raising the question…do we post how we would like our “followers” to see us or who we truly are? The human emotion of pride and wanting others to build us up is a dangerous line to walk. Thinking over it myself and praying through it today. Thank you for your honesty Andrew!

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